An old Friendster Blog/ Revisiting my past

I chanced upon a blog that I have posted years ago in Friendster, a site that I used to be crazy about but has since forgotten.

It felt strange when I visited the site that I used to visit day after day,mornings, evenings and nights. While much has changed in both Friendster and the circumstances that surround my life, it felt good to revisit. It sort of like looking at a storybook of my life.

I saw faces, names and messages of old, dear friends and I wonder if they still remember me. My images in the photos that I posted do not look like me anymore, the kids have all grown taller and bigger.

When I re-read the blog that I have written in 2007, It felt like I was reading the thoughts of someone else. The 'writer' sounded like she needed to be heard, like she was trying to break free. She wanted to convey that she is tough yet one can sense that she needed comfort.

I close my eyes and utter a prayer of thanks. I am no longer that person, but I remember her and once in a while I catch glimpses of that life that she has lived, the one that has made her the woman that she is today.

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On social stigma, life as a solo parent and Kris Aquino

I am actually new at this thing, have no clue on what would be interesting to write about. I was just drawn by the thought of sharing with everyone what goes on in my simple life and my complex mind; whether it would be interesting to the reader becomes secondary, i must apologetically say. Besides, this seem like a better and economical way money-wise and time-wise, than to sit on a psychiatrists’ couch (not that I need to, but you get the drift).

To be a solo-parent is both a blessing and a curse; I get the opportunity to raise the children on my own, without having to succumb to the complexities of a super-extended family that is common to the Philippine setting. While my family was generous enough to offer assistance by inviting us to move back in, I took the not-so-easy route of living independently so that I could develop my own backbone. The idea drove some people crazy and others wondering; I just need the space and the room, no matter how shabby it is, for my kids and I to learn and grow and love one another.

I say it is a curse as it isn't easy to wake up and realize that the marriage was dead, much more to realize that it was never alive to begin with, like a bad joke has been played. Society have a mean way of categorizing it’s people, and people- particularly women under this frowned-upon category is seen as anything but decent, honorable and respectable. Somehow, we (the unfortunate ones who survived the death of a previous relationship or has been a victim of a wise-crack slapstick joke) need to not only re-establish ourselves but prove ourselves worthy of honor, love and respect. We need to work doubly hard to show that a) we can survive, heck, accomplish big and great things, and b) we can choose to be happy. If you don’t believe me, ask around. Or read the gossip columns of past.

Did we not all frown and laugh at Kris Aquino after Joey, Philip and her list of past relationships? Did we not see ourselves better than she or feel that she was making a mistake and purposely ruining her family name by taking a chance and marrying a much younger, less experienced James? Did we not regard her life as a form of a melo-dramatic entertainment where the silly, childlike heroine’s worst enemy was herself and her weak heart & shallow mind? Sadly, the social stigma given celebrities are kinder than those given to non-celebrities- if we gather all the tears shed on the matter, we wouldnt be experiencing the water shortage to fill up the dams and we will all be assured that all hydro-electric power sources will function well for the months to come- rain or no rain.

In a highly religious country such as ours, one would expect that people would be taught to be compassionate and forgiving. On the contrary, people were downright condescending and judgmental to others who has experienced real-life drama (and sometimes action!). Its difficult to comprehend something that is not experienced by many and run against some established norms, I guess; I just sometimes wish that we can look past the mistakes of others so that we can all be afforded the chance to forgive ourselves and move on.

Surprisingly and pleasantly so, i have moved on and had a hellova ride. I am surrounded by family and friends who energize and feed my soul with much joy. My babies (They hate it when I call them babies still, but im a Mom, they will always be babies in my eyes) are such a delight to be with and are all growing-up fast! My 13-year old is a computer animation enthusiast, my 12 year old dog-lover is the editor-in-chief of their school paper, my 10 year old is jokester has the making of a world-class entertainer and is, well, kulit. My 6 year-old can read faster than anyone else in their pre-sechool. I have a fabulous and most incredible job - what more can I ask for?

I ask for people to be kinder to people who are less fortunate in life, love and the whole marriage experience. I ask for openness, that people will not judge others based on what they think. I ask for people not to see the children of failed marriages as victims- what they are are fortunate to have parents who had the courage to correct their mistakes early in life. And oh, yeah, a million dollars each in mutual fund for my children and a house in Pacific Village or AAV would be quite a treat too, hehe.

Sure, my life is unlike others’- but boy, it’s been such a fun and eventful ride.

Im sure Kris would say the same.

N

30 July 07